Hollywood's race to be unoriginal

I am pretty good at predicting box office failures and winners when it comes to the trailers. I've noticed recently that there's a batch of comedies coming out within the next year that has to deal with casual sex. Friends With Benefits starring Justin Timberlake & Mila Kunis - this one actually looked good to me, mainly because they released a Redband trailer that was abolutely hilarious, and I love my comedy dirty. Then there's The Freebie with Dax Shepard which looks like mostly a downer dramedy , No Strings Attached with Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman which looks exactly like Friends With Benefits, but more chick-flicky. Hall Pass with Owen Wilson which looked cute, but something I'd catch streaming on Netflix. Just Go With It with Adam Sandler & Jennifer Aniston - the trailer looks like most of his other shit that he's already done and the entire trailer gives away the whole movie. I'm probably forgetting a few more, but it seems like one studio gets wind of what another one is doing and they all have to crank out similar films and release them all at the same time. It's silly, preschoolish tactics.

I was working for a producer a few years ago and I was amazed at how many scripts about the same story as Catch Me If You Can as soon as Spielberg announced he was directing the film. I know all these studios want to do good and make money, but get an original idea. Stop stealing from each other. If something sounds good, look for another idea. You lost. Don't try to top another studio release with the same plot. Look at what happened with Mission To Mars & Red Planet - two movies about Mars that sucked ass. How about Sweet November & Autumn In New York - two movies about dying chicks whose sex tactics get two guys so sprung on them that they can't accept the fact that these women are going to die and with similar titles no less - both failed in the box office...Jake Gyllenhall and Anne Hathaway are coming out with a new movie with the same premise called Love and Other Drugs and I have a little higher hopes for that one considering it's based on a true story and audiences tend to eat that shit up.

So If I'm going to pick a loser for the bulk of movies on the casual sex plot, it's going to be "The Freebie." Dax Shepard isn't a big enough star to carry a movie on his own. Who knows, it might be a good movie, but they need to recut the trailer in order for me to change my mind...however Hall Pass looks pretty lame also.

The winner for me is either Friends With Benefits or No Strings Attached. Again they look almost exactly the same. Friends With Benefits has the more male appeal of an Apatow film, and women will want to see it because of Justin Timberlake. No Strings Attached has Natalie Portman for the guys, but Ashton Kutcher is losing his appeal since he married Demi Moore and he twitters as if he truly believes anybody gives a shit about anything he has to say about anything...also he's trying to redeem himself a bit too desperately from the box office disaster known as Killers.





I guess we'll soon find out.
~J

Jules' Birthday

Today's my birthday. Hugh took me to BJ's Brewhouse where there was one waitress who smelled like stank ass. I thought there was a rule about hygiene with service staff. She looked alright, probably in her mid to late 20's, but smelled like she was stuck in a hot bathroom with no windows while she took a long steamer, didn't wipe very well, sprayed herself with a whole can of cheap air freshener and worked up some swamp ass sweat while she made her rounds. I didn't even have to look up and see her, the smell just sucker punched me as she passed by. I had to breathe shallow when she stopped at the the next table and took their order. Luckily she stayed away while we were actually eating. You wonder how some people cannot smell their own stink. Like people with dragon breath who always want to tell you a secret. I know I've had my own bad days, but I'm not serving someone food while smelling like a hot port-o-john.

Anyway I had my birthday P'zookie and when we got home, he had bought me a giant bouquet of flowers. It made up for the restaurant. ~J

Sexy History

Tonight we're on Netflix catching up on the first season of Spartacus: Blood & Sand that currently airs on the Starz network. It's a decent show, historically acurrate (basically - except they say sh-t & f--k alot and those words didn't exist back then) and one thing I'll say when watching it - boys you no longer have to hide your shame. You can have the best of both worlds - maturbating while you learn history. Lucy Lawless (of Xena fame) topless throughout most of her scenes. Lots of sex with slaves, with each other, gay sex, lesbian sex, voyeurism, S&M - it's got it all including comic book violence (ala Sin City & 300) and hardcore gore. It's got eye-candy for women too. All those men are ripped and there's full frontal male nudity for those who are into that. 3 stars out of 4. ~J

Movie Night: Robin Hood - Prince of Thieves

As we're watching this movie on Netflix streaming video, we're discussing Kevin Costner's lack of discernable English accent (which this film is infamous), while it's clear Morgan Freeman was prepared and instructed by the director Kevin Reynolds, to give the role authenticity.

When Hugh sees the opening (wide shot of Locksley castle) he says he's reminded of the scene from Robin Hood: Men in Tights where the sherriff's men haul the castle away.

When the Lord of Locksley ventures out of the castle to defend a villager who double crosses him, he charges into the ambush of the Sherriff's men with a big-ass sword, he's defeated by guys with torches...he has a sword and they have torches. What the hell?

Blinken! The Lord of Locksley has been dead for weeks, why does the blind dude's face still have blood streaks? I argued that he could've rubbed the wounded sockets and Hugh said "What, he didn't have time to wash his face?"

I don't know what it is, but when the Sherriff yells to Robin, "I'm going to cut your heart out with a spoon," I always think of a melon-baller.

Robin throws down his bow to give his uplifting speech to the merry men. It's not like bows are easy to come by. Watching the montage where the men are creating their bows and arrows - one would think they would try to retrieve the arrows they spent. Those things are handcrafted. It's not like retrieving bullets. I would get pissed at Robin Hood just shooting anything and splitting them in half without a care. Dude you're gonna replace those!

It's not a Kevin Costner movie without a gratuitous bare butt shot.

Apparently there is an extended directors cut, because there's an extra scene where Mortiana tells the Sherriff of Nottingham that he is her son, and she killed the infant who would become the Sherriff and replaced it with her own baby. That would've made the audience pity the Sherriff, but the studios or whomever decided the good vs evil storyline should have no gray area. Later the Sherriff says, "For once in my life I will have something pure..." That line before didn't make much sense because of the missing scene. At the climax of the final fight scene, Azeem (Morgan Freeman) throws his scimitar into the witch and she flies backwards, landing on the body of the Sherriff, mother and son are reunited in death. Wow, makes you kind of want to know more about their character's background.

The ad-lib "are you alright?" from one of the prisoners to be hanged to Wolf Little is pretty laughable. "Yeah I gotta noose around my neck, but I'm alright."

If you haven't seen the movie, get out from under your rock. Lots of historical mistakes and a few continuity errors; all in all an entertaining movie.

Anti-Facebook Parenting Posts

For my first post, here's a little something I find absolutely irritating...

I would post this on facebook, but alot of my friends and family members would read this and probably take it the wrong way...well me contradicting them by saying their kid is annoying and nobody cares about what utterly stupid thing their dumb kid did that they find so adorable that they have to share in facebook posts. For instance, my cousin's wife talks about her kid dumping a whole bowl of soup on the TiVo remote, and the kid peeing on the dog because she was too lazy to pause some idiotic kid show that she uses to babysit her kid in order to get to the toilet in time. Oh yeah, so adorable. Also I love to hear you bitch and moan about how you need a "babymoon" or "time out" when your little one won't give you a break. I need to keep abreast of these obnoxious idiosyncratic moments in your null life.

http://www.lemondrop.com/2009/10/08/10-reasons-not-to-talk-about-your-kid-on-facebook/

http://shine.yahoo.com/event/coolmom/facebooks-five-most-annoying-parents-546972/?pg=2

A few friends are becoming new parents, and I'm so dreading the day when they have to report every single thing their new baby does.

Baby's crying, can't sleep, Ahole husband won't help, My body is destroyed, Baby threw up on me, Baby peed on me, Baby shit on me, Baby smiled at me, Baby sleeping, Baby is the most perfect baby in the world.

There I did the work for you. Just cut and paste when situation applies. You can just repost it all again tomorrow, and only to you it will be fresh and new and an endearing experience that must be shared ad infinitum, ad nauseum.

Unless this is your baby, I don't want to hear about it. This is the coolest baby ever.


Yeah some may say I could change my tune once I have a baby, but since that day hasn't arrived yet, I can talk all the smack I want. I don't have the need to validate myself for making a choice I partially regret by posting incessantly about my demon spawn....but our cats are just ADORABLE!!! ~J